Background Story:
The phone rings and you see on caller ID it is a good friend so you pick up. You have the intention of being compassionate.
My dog that I have had for seventeen years died today. I don‘t know what I will do with myself. He was in pain, I probably should have put him to sleep a long time ago.
| Emotional Scale Quick Reference | |||
|---|---|---|---|
| Positive | 1. Joy | 2. Passion | 3. Enthusiasm |
| 4. Belief | 5. Optimism | 6. Hopefulness | 7. Contentment |
| 8. Boredom | 9. Pessimism | 10. Frustration | 11. Overwhelment |
| 12. Disappointment | 13. Doubt | 14. Worry | 15. Blame |
| 16. Discouragement | 17. Anger | 18. Revenge | 19. Hatred |
| 20. Jealousy | 21. Guilt | 22. Depression | Negative |
| Before | After | Statement | Explanation |
|---|---|---|---|
| 21 | 22 | My daughter has kittens she is trying to find a home for. | I can‘t think of anything more painful here than solutions without finding out what the person wants first. |
| 21 | 22 | When I was a kid my hamster died. | This is demonstrating sympathy and bringing the focus to what‘s alive in you. The other person wants to be recognized as a human being with feelings and needs before focusing on you. |
| 21 | 22 | He‘s in a better place. | This is not helpful, especially since the person expressed guilt over keeping him alive while he was suffering. |
| 21 | 22 | You need to cheer up. | Being told what to do emotionally while in pain is painful to hear and usually undo-able for the person. |
| 21 | 16 | Are you sad and missing your dog‘s love? | This might not work for everyone and this is a tough situation to sound genuine in. Maybe just listening would be the best. |
| 21 | 17 | Is there anything I can do to help? | Although anger doesn‘t sound very good, it is an improvement from guilt. The hard thing to do here is if the anger is directed at you to not go to anger yourself and to stay connected to your needs and in empathy. |
Additional comments:
This is a very difficult situation to be in an empathy mode. Almost anything you say could sound placating because of how people in the past have generally responded to someone in grief.
| Author | Emotion | Relationship | Topic |
|---|---|---|---|
| Jeff | Guilt | Friends | Death of pet |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends teen boys | Video Game |
| Jeff | Anger | Co-worker friend | Work Conflict |
| Jeff | Blame | Spouse/Roommate | Dirty Dishes |
| Vincent/Jeff | Frustration | Friends | Bad Throw |
| Vincent | Blame | Friends | Merry Go Round |
| Jeff Tretsven | Contentment | Empathy Buddies | Empathy Pause |
| Jeff Tretsven | Blame | Coworkers | Heated Meeting |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | Friend/Family | Self Criticism |
| Jeff Tretsven | Worry | Heir Apparent? | Inheritance |
| Jeff Tretsven | Discouraged | NVC Peer | Hearing No! |
| Submit your own Scenario | |||
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