This exercise is to show how our thoughts affect our emotions. We can also show how emotions affect thoughts. In this exercise we can change the relationship to Terry or our circumstances and see how these affect our thoughts and feelings.
Notice how feelings change with thoughts. Test how thoughts change with feelings. Another time to pay attention to feelings is when you shift your focus to the need. If you have hit on the need which is important, then there is a lessening of unmet need emotion and a feeling of peace. Marshall says that you cannot be angry when you are focused on needs. A place where you are likely to notice this shift is when you start looking for what Terry's needs might be. Have fun with this exercise and see how changing one aspect affects the other aspects.
How to use:
Use middle row to play with different aspects if the same situation. Pick a relationship and
circumstances. Think about what thoughts you might be having, don't censor your thoughts just right them down.
Looking at your thoughts pick out what you think the emotion is. At bottom of page is a complete list of
feelings and needs. To keep it simple I only put in a few
emotions. After entering a general emotion, see if you can be more specific. If you need help identifying
the need put the cursor over suggested needs. Once you have identified the need, check to see if you still
feel the same emotion or if you feel some relief. Lastly, look at what me Terry's needs. Check to see if looking
at Terry's needs gives you a feeling of relief and if you have been angry if you still feel angry or compassion.
| Situation | My Relationship to Terry | My Circumstances | My Thoughts | My Feelings | My Needs | My Guess at Terry's Needs? |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Terry said "12 P.M. lunch is Okay at Vegan Grill." Time is now 12:25 Terry is not visible to you/No messages |
Friend | In A hurry |
|
Annoyed | Effective use of time | Understanding |
| Terry said "12 P.M. lunch is Ok at Vegan Grill." Time is now 12:25 Terry is not visible to you/No messages |
Select general feeling first, then specific feeling | Suggested Needs: |
||||
| Terry said "12 P.M. lunch is Okay at Vegan Grill." Time is now 12:25 Terry is not visible to you/No messages |
Ex | Not in the mood to see him/her | Thank God! | Relief | Peace, ease | Communication |
|
AFRAID apprehensive dread foreboding frightened mistrustful panicked petrified scared suspicious terrified wary worried |
ANNOYED aggravated dismayed disgruntled displeased exasperated frustrated impatient irritated irked |
ANGRY enraged furious incensed indignant irate livid outraged resentful |
AVERSION animosity appalled contempt disgusted dislike hate horrified hostile repulsed |
CONFUSED ambivalent baffled bewildered dazed hesitant lost mystified perplexed puzzled torn |
DISCONNECTED alienated aloof apathetic bored cold detached distant distracted indifferent numb removed uninterested withdrawn |
DISQUIET agitated alarmed discombobulated disconcerted disturbed perturbed rattled restless shocked startled surprised troubled turbulent turmoil uncomfortable uneasy unnerved unsettled upset |
| EMBARRASSED ashamed chagrined flustered guilty mortified self-conscious |
FATIGUE beat burnt out depleted exhausted lethargic listless sleepy tired weary worn out |
PAIN agony anguished bereaved devastated grief heartbroken hurt lonely miserable regretful remorseful |
SAD depressed dejected despair despondent disappointed discouraged disheartened forlorn gloomy heavy hearted hopeless melancholy unhappy wretched |
TENSE anxious cranky distressed distraught edgy fidgety frazzled irritable jittery nervous overwhelmed restless stressed out |
VULNERABLE fragile guarded helpless insecure leery reserved sensitive shaky |
YEARNING envious jealous longing nostalgic pining wistful |
|
AFFECTIONATE compassionate friendly loving open hearted sympathetic tender warm |
ENGAGED absorbed alert curious engrossed enchanted entranced fascinated interested intrigued involved spellbound stimulated |
HOPEFUL expectant encouraged optimistic |
CONFIDENT empowered open proud safe secure |
EXCITED amazed animated ardent aroused astonished dazzled eager energetic enthusiastic giddy invigorated lively passionate surprised vibrant |
GRATEFUL appreciative moved thankful touched |
INSPIRED amazed awed wonder |
JOYFUL amused delighted glad happy jubilant pleased tickled |
EXHILARATED blissful ecstatic elated enthralled exuberant radiant rapturous thrilled |
PEACEFUL calm clear headed comfortable centered content equanimous fulfilled mellow quiet relaxed relieved satisfied serene still tranquil trusting |
REFRESHED enlivened rejuvenated renewed rested restored revived |
|
CONNECTION acceptance affection appreciation belonging cooperation communication closeness community companionship compassion consideration consistency empathy inclusion intimacy love mutuality nurturing respect/self-respect |
CONNECTION continued safety security stability support to know and be known to see and be seen to understand and be understood trust warmth PHYSICAL WELL-BEING air food movement/exercise rest/sleep sexual expression safety shelter touch water |
HONESTY authenticity integrity presence PLAY joy humor PEACE beauty communion ease equality harmony inspiration order AUTONOMY choice freedom independence space spontaneity |
MEANING awareness celebration of life challenge clarity competence consciousness contribution creativity discovery efficacy effectiveness growth hope learning mourning participation purpose self-expression stimulation to matter understanding |
Feelings and Needs List from the Center for Nonviolent Communication
(c) 2005 by Center for Nonviolent Communication
Website: www.cnvc.org Email: cnvc@cnvc.org
Phone: +1.505-244-4041